Signs of Domestic Violence

  • Is she a very jealous person?
  • Was there violence in her family of origin?
  • Does she have mood swings, where one moment she's feel loving and affectionate, and the next moment angry and threatening?
  • Has she humiliated you in front of others?
  • Is she a very jealous person?
  • Does she try to discourage you from seeing your family or friends?
  • Does she criticize you for little things?
  • Does she use sex or other favors as a way to "make up" after conflict?
  • Does she criticize you for little things?
  • Does she do or say things that are designed to make you feel "incompetent", "crazy" or "stupid"?


http://www.menagainstdv.org/


 Statistics About Domestic Abuse And Violence Against Men

Very little in known about the actual number of men who are in a domestic relationship in which they are abused or treated violently by women.  In 100 domestic violence situations approximately 40 cases involve violence by women against men.  An estimated 400,000 women per year are abused or treated violently in the United States by their spouse or intimate partner.  This means that roughly 300,000 to 400,000 men are treated violently by their wife or girl friend. 

For more information see www.dvmen.org


 

 

Why Do We Know So Little About Domestic Abuse And Violence Against Men?

There are many reasons why we don't know more about domestic abuse and violence against men.  First of all, the incidence of domestic violence reported men appears to be so low that it is hard to get reliable estimates.  In addition, it has taken years of advocacy and support to encourage women to report domestic violence. Virtually nothing has been done to encourage men to report abuse.  The idea that men could be victims of domestic abuse and violence is so unthinkable that many men will not even attempt to report the situation. 

The dynamic of domestic abuse and violence is also different between men and women.  The reasons, purposes and motivations are often very different between sexes.  Although the counseling and psychological community have responded to domestic abuse and violence against women, there has been very little investment in resources to address and understand the issues of domestic abuse and violence against men.  In most cases, the actual physical damage inflicted by men is so much greater than the actual physical harm inflected by women.  The impact of domestic violence is less apparent and less likely to come to the attention of others when men are abused.  For example, it is assumed than a man with a bruise or black eye was in a fight with another man or was injured on the job or playing contact sports.  Even when men do report domestic abuse and violence, most people are so astonished men usually end up feeling like nobody believes them. 

 

What Are The Characteristics Of Women Who Are Abusive And Violent?

The characteristics of men or women who are abusive fall into three categories. 

  • Alcohol Abuse.  Alcohol abuse is a major cause and trigger in domestic violence.  People who are intoxicated have less impulse control, are easily frustrated, have greater misunderstandings and are generally prone to resort to violence as a solution to problems.   Women who abuse men are frequently alcoholics. 
  • Psychological Disorders.  There are certain psychological problems, primarily personality disorders,  in which women are characteristically abusive and violent toward men.   Borderline personality disorder is a diagnosis that is found almost exclusively with women.  Approximately 1 to 2 percent of all women have a Borderline Personality disorder.  At least 50% of all domestic abuse and violence against men is associated with woman who have a Borderline Personality disorder. The disorder is also associated with suicidal behavior, severe mood swings, lying, sexual problems and alcohol abuse.
  • Unrealistic expectations, assumptions and conclusions.   Women who are abusive toward men usually have unrealistic expectations and make unrealistic demands of men.  These women will typically experience repeated episodes of depression, anxiety, frustration and irritability which they attribute to a man's behavior.  In fact, their mental and emotional state is the result of their own insecurities, emotional problems, trauma during childhood or even withdrawal from alcohol.   They blame men rather than admit their problems, take responsibility for how they live their lives or do something about how they make themselves miserable.  They refuse to enter treatment and may even insist the man needs treatment.   Instead of helping themselves, they  blame a man for how they feel and believe that a man should do something to make them feel better. They will often medicate their emotions with alcohol.  When men can't make them feel better, these women become frustrated and assume that men are doing this on purpose.

Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women,1-888-7HELPLINE (888-743-5754) or www.dahmw.org
Source: www.dahmw.org/docs/DAHMW%20Characteristics%20of%20Callers.pdf